Chav Wagon (definition: Jeep, Land cruiser or other large box o’ shite with tinted windows)
In order to own and operate a Chav Wagon you must adhere to the following rules:
- You must be a dull, pain in the ar*e forty something woman with at least 2 children.
- You must never be a man unless you are short, round, slightly balding and ‘did good’ in some sort of manual work i.e. glazing, plumbing. (note: no friends is a bonus)
- You feel an uneasiness about whether or not you are actually ‘cool’ until you climb aboard your suped up Hi-Ace (Chav Wagon).
- But more importantly, you should never obey the basic rules of the road. Who do those other insignificant vehicle drivers think they are to tell you what to do? After all you’re the f**king KingPin, the Head Honcho in your Bit*h Machine. Why use one lane when your knacker wagon can use them all at once? Why join the car owning plebs in the fruitless bid to merely drive well when you can drive BIG!
- Finally, you should never ‘park’ your chav wagon…but leave it somewhere near, even if that is the centre line of a narrow road….just in case you can’t remember where you parked the ton of turd.
Thank you.
29 Comments
Does the twit that wrote the above comment realise that land cruisers are about €80,000 for a new passenger version, Ill bet he probably drives a punto and feels intimidated averytime he sees a jeep
Sounds like Benni's description of a Chav Wagon owner is a bit too accurate for some. Simon, by any chance are you a short, round, slightly balding plumber who is married to a dull forty something mother of two? Just because something costs €80,000 doesn't mean it is classy or in good taste.
Eh… you're not talking about any specific incident of shite driving… so… I don't get the point of this article at all, really.
LOL, nice one Simon, a real lesson in missing the point. I think even knowing the price of a new Land Cruiser might qualify you as a member of the Chav Wagoneers. Are you small, round and slightly balding by any chance…
It was interesting that the 1st reply to this article (which actually does have a point about bad driving, Niallok) was from an obvious Chav wagon driver quoting the price of his Ton of Turd. I reckon rule number 5 should have mentioned that you like to talk about how much your Chav wagon costs. I agree with the article, Jeeps etc drivers do drive in the centre of the road. I reckon most people dread to see them because they are typically agressive and arrogant drivers.
Chav Wagons! Hate them! I'm just wondering Simon….. do you like to intimidate Punto drivers… in your Chav Wagon? Is that why your kind drive so badly because your so busy intimidating smaller cars and 'driving BIG' rather than driving well. Very interesting…..
Simon. Do you like intimidating Punto drivers?……… I agree with the article, 4×4 drivers DO drive in the centre of the road. They are dangerous vehicles in the wrong hands….especially small, round balding ones like I suspect yours are Simon.
Eh…Niallok…HELLO! This article is about bad driving. It just happens to be written in a witty way. (witty definition…..LOOK IT UP!!). I think Chav Wagon drivers are lulled into a false sense of security by being up high in a wide vehicle. To compensate for this, they drive in the middle of the road. They are dangerous and inconsiderate drivers. Also, is there any reason why city dwellers need heavy terrain vehicles? Is it to psychologically plough through the traffic. I wonder?
Eh… GrainneOC… I GET IT, thanks.
I didn't say the article wasn't about bad driving. I said it didn't talk about any specific incident of shite driving.
Whether or not it was "witty" is purely a matter of opinion.
ha ha ha…love the article. Unless your name is Monty and you keep horses or you have a mouthful of gold teeth and a wall full of platininum discs….then don't become a Chav Wagonist. V expensive yet V uncool….. what I like to call 'A touch of CRASS!)
Niallok…it was witty, do as GrainneOC says and look it up… or maybe write a witty response to show us how you see things…wit-boy.
Does anyone else have a problem with the way those 4×4 Chavists park outside schools. This morning I noticed 4 of these tractors double parked (with the 'I'll be just a minute') hazzard lights flashing, outside my daughters school. They were parked right at the gate which was dangerous as you couldn't possibly see a child stepping out. God help any child who accidently steps out in front of one of those. Note to 4×4 drivers, you might be big but please try to respect the rules of the road especially at schools. You have a responsibility to acknowledge that your large vehicle must be handled with more consideration than a regular car.
Paddy, I'm not going to get into an argument regarding semantics, but whether something is "witty" or entertaining is a purely subjective matter. You found it witty, Grainne found it witty, – and both of you are entitled to that opinion.
I didn’tt find it witty, I’m entitled to that opinion, and despite your smartarsed suggestion, I don’t need to look up the meaning of the word.
Let’s leave it at that, and keep the rest of the comments here on topic, shall we? Good. Thanks.
They're called SUVs. Chav wagons and chelsey tractors are terms used by people in the UK. Just like car drivers, drivers of SUVs can be good or bad.
I think some SUVs are lovely, and they're not THAT big, just taller. I mean, transit vans are bigger like haha and some SUVs have lower emissions than a mini cooper. It's whatever you're into. No big deal!
Wouldn't Chav wagons more accurately be more Vicky Pollard, rather than Posh and Becks wannabes?
I think the main annoyance with 4×4's drivers comes from people who live cities, especially Dublin. Traffic is heavy, tempers get frayed and 4×4's seem to have an overbearing effect on the roads. Trucks, vans and transits are big and demand a large area to manouvre, however they are used commercially, people sympathize with them somewhat and although 4×4's are used commercially, it IS annoying when they are used by regular drivers as a tool to barge through that sacred spot reserved by the 'end of their tether' car drivers. And because it is possible to be a big overbearing vehicle, they invariably tend to be driven by people who have an overbearing type personality. Attitudes like that have no place on an already fraught congested traffic system. The question still remains, why do people in cities, especially Dublin, drive SUVs when they are so out of place? I assume the author of this article intended to address the general lack of consideration of a person to actually OWN on of these large vehicles in the first place. It's mere presence can be seen by some as an actual inconsideration to other drivers by simply 'being there'.
Could 'the langer' please tell me where he/she located that information that says 'some SUVs have lower emissions than a mini cooper'? In the study, was the SUV actually switched on? I wonder if the Langer knows that 70.3% of all statistics are false, or was it 72.3%? Think.
Actually, those studies mostly originate from the US, where the average engine size is much larger than in Europe. Also, the Irish drive the smallest engines in Europe because of the insane rate of tax on engine size.
The latest study I heard said that average engine size in SUV's in Germany and Britain is around the 3.5 liter mark. Here it's around 1.8 to 2 liters. While this is larger than you average car (1.6 liters), it's still smaller than the average anywhere else. I am 76.87% sure of this.
One reason for driver positioning of sports cars, which are designed to sit low to the ground, is so the driver can anticipate changes in the road conditions and adjust accordingly. It has been proven that reaction time increases when you have a lower seated position. The disadvantage of driving an SUV is that the positioning is high, therefore changes in the road surface are not identified as quickly and the false sense of distance-keeping between the car ahead stems from the SUVs ability to see above the cars in front. Incidently, an SUV is taller than a car which means that there is a higher risk of a roll-over. Perhaps the SUVs drivers drive differently due to these factors.
You forgot the most important rule for suv drivers(especially women)Mobile phone must be stuck to ear at all times.Also dont you just love these small jeeps(suzuki jiminy,mitsubishi pajero jnr etc)its like "I couldnt afford a proper jeep so i bought this piece of shite.Just remembered something I heard years ago about pajero being spanish for wanker so theyre called shogun in spain.Or is it the other way round?anyone speak spanish?
Sham Rogue, the Spanish word pajero means ‘wanker’, from paja meaning ‘wank’ In the dialects of Nicaragua, Colombia and Guatemala, paja is used to mean ‘tap’ (i.e. the end of the ‘pipe’), and so, in Nicaragua at least, a pajero is a 'plumber' which is interesting as Benni's 2nd point referred to the Chav Wagon being a preference of plumbers and the like.
sham rogue you are right pajero is wanker in Spanish!!! As far as I remember the Pajero is called Montero in Spain
anybody driving one of those things in the city is a pajero.
Stupid Usless Vehicles…that says it all i think….they should be banned..they serve no purpose, they're vulgar looking, cant say i've ever seen a nice one , have huge thirsty engines, are'nt that comfortable and are the reason we all have little dimples in our doors (ever see kids throwing open the back doors outside Smiths) .Nope i'm sorry i dont like them, and any one on here that say's that "they need them" for whatever reason is full of their own self importance and ignorance to the surrounding enviroment …btw this does'nt include people who REALLY need them ,farmers, builders etc.
I could buy one of these yolks tomorrow if i wanted to but i'm not that insecure or needy.
A lot seem to be saying that there is no 'need' for these SUVs, there is no 'necessity' etc.. True but the reason people buy certain types of cars is not always necessity. It can be to do with style and image. Something we are all guilty of, be it cars, clothes we buy, what holidays we take etc.. SUVs are more expensive in Ireland so it is seen as a car a successful or wealthier than average person might drive, 'if' they wanted to. If they were as cheap as most cars, i doubt demand would meet supply compared with todays sales of SUVs. Image is the key word, not necessity. I said in a comment above, that some have lower emmissions than a mini cooper. I heard this on a car show '5th gear' that broadcasts on channel 5 from the UK. Think it was a honda CR-V. Yeah statistics can be altered all right. It's such a shame that only two hybrids (nissan prius and honda civic hybrid saloon) are the only two affordable hybrids out there. I know lexus do hybrids but that would be out of most people's budget obviously. I know in US there are about 11 or 12 hybrids for sale and they are proving popular. Time for the EU and indeed Ireland to follow suit and drive hybrids and forget all these high powered engines that no one needs. They're only an unneccessary luxury. Finally I'd say a lot of people are annoyed with SUVs mainly because the roads aren't big enough and wide enough outside of the towns. Even in the towns. Some of the back roads are like outer mongolia. And because of are outdated infrastructure our economy is now starting to suffer.
trumps said:
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anybody driving one of those things in the city is a pajero.
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Pajero, eh? … Isn't that a model of Nissan?
Let me explain why owning an SUV might show signs that you have 'Antisocial Personality Disorder'. This is also known as psychopathy or sociopathy. Individuals with this disorder have little regard for the feeling and welfare of others.
There are ten general symptoms: Not learning from experience.
No sense of responsibility.
Inability to form meaningful relationships.
(not even with other Chav Wagon drivers..feelings of envy, inadequacy)
Inability to control impulses.
(turning without signalling)
Lack of moral sense.
(environmental issues)
Chronically antisocial behavior.
(pushing ahead in traffic)
No change in behavior after punishment
Emotional immaturity
(owning a 4×4 qualifies you for this one! Also, WHY do YOU need blacked out windows?????)
Lack of guilt
Self-centeredness
(this is otherwise called the 'Pajero Syndrome')
This is a national epidemic. I am currently taking donations to help remedy this crisis. I'll take anything from fivers to blank cheques……..
Thank you. I care.
sorry langer but hybrids are the biggest con job of our time.clarkson tested a TOYOTA prius some time ago and only returned 45 mpg.A week later he tested a vw lupo diesel and got 75mpg.Also the extra pollution in manufacturing of these things cancels out any marginal gains.Its the same as catlytic converters.The pollution caused in mining the crap to make one of these things is the same as an average car creates in 10 years but they only last 5-6 years on average(sometimes less).Wonder who did the maths on that one.The fact the mines in question are in remote parts of australia and therefore on the other side of the world helps us all sleep a little easier at night.Every aspect of motoring is a compromise and at the moment the internal combustion engine is the best compromise available.Mabye alternative fuels are a better option in the short term but they have thier own drawbacks.Gas is another good option from an emissions viewpoint but who wants to drive around with a bomb in their boot,especially with all the shite drivers on the road.
Has it ever occured to anyone, that the only reason SUVs have blacked out windows, is because it's the only sure way the driver can hide their embarrassment….oh and also to hide the fact that they're really small, fat, ugly men and women.